


The Future is Complicated

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Keep on Loving You [6]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:39:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8430400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: He thought of Liv and Noah, of being in a relationship that was serious but also still experiencing growing pains, of making a leap in his career so close to the end, of having more free time and spending it far away from the NYPD.  Ed was always thinking.





	

He watched the smoke rings grow larger and then dissipate in the chilly night air. Ed took another deep inhale of the cigarette, letting the poison fill his lungs. It wasn’t something that felt good, it was just an addiction now, a part of him. This was some of his nightly ritual; two cigarettes on the front stoop in front of the condo. He'd done the same in Hell’s Kitchen, though he often smoked in his bedroom there. 

Noah was the priority here and his respiration issues made smoking inside a no-no. There was the occasional cigarette in the master bath on inclement days but those were few and far between. There was rain coming tonight, a storm even. Thunder rumbled in the distance and every little while Ed would see a streak or blink of lightning. 

Late summer and fall in Manhattan had been unpredictable. There were days that felt like summer, mornings that felt like winter, long droughts, and drenching days of rain. He wasn’t sure what was next and the chill in the air made it impossible to smell. He sighed, a smile quirking across his lips when he felt the warm hand on his shoulder. He was still blowing smoke rings but took a moment to glance behind him at Olivia.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“You left Noah upstairs alone?”

“He's not alone, Ronin is with him. He's sound asleep in a locked apartment and I don’t plan to be gone long.”

“OK, I'm checking to see if you have a fever.” Turning, Ed put the palm of his hand on Liv’s forehead. He turned his hand around and did it again.

“Ha-ha,” she swatted his hand away. “Stop, I already feel insecure enough. I told you that I'm trying to stop hovering. You’ve been out here a while, I just wanted to check on you.”

“I'm alright.”

“You sure about that, Captain?” Liv joined him on the stoop, Ed scooting over so she would have more room. She rested her cheek on his shoulder.

“I'm approaching thirty years on the force.” He said. “I could've gotten out, got my pension years ago.”

“Are you thinking about retiring?” Liv asked.

“I'm just thinking. It might be nice to do something a little different, be more of a hands on dad with Noah; make up for some of the things I missed.”

“You love being a cop, Ed.”

That was true but it wasn’t as if Ed couldn’t walk away. In the recent past, he didn’t have much reason to. He was a single man and his work was his life. He loved his kids but they were teens and adults now, didn’t need dad like they used to when he missed more than he should have.

“I do, but I've been at it a long time. I know when to quit Benson.”

“You just started in a new unit.”

“I know.”

“So, you just want to retire?” Liv asked.

“Maybe not today but it’s something I've been thinking about. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I always thought when I retired I would return to Indiana. I don't know, buy a house on the lake, have a bunch of dogs, and maybe even raise some horses. I would do a bunch of DIY projects, maybe sponsor and coach a baseball team in the summers…”

“You’ve been thinking about this.”

“Always.” Ed glanced at her. “But I'm just thinking Liv, we don’t have to talk it to death.”

“Am I disturbing you?” she asked. 

She didn’t have that tone, Liv had just never thought about it. She was coming to check in but this was something Ed did every night. Maybe he did it to get away, to take a couple of deep breaths, and reconcile all that happened during any given day. Liv certainly had times where she needed to be alone and get her head in a certain space. Yet here she was invading Ed’s.

“No, baby, it’s OK.”

“I know this is your time in the evening. I just wanted to check in.” Liv ran her fingers through his hair as she stood up from the stoop. “Don’t stay out here too long, it’s chilly and will start raining soon. I need to get back upstairs to Noah.”

Ed nodded, turning to watch her go back inside. Then he lit his second cigarette. It was always two; he was never entirely sure why. He also wasn’t sure why he was so restless. His body wasn’t restless, the week was only halfway over and Ed was exhausted. 

But he couldn’t turn his brain off. Sometimes he hardly knew what he was thinking. He thought of Liv and Noah, of being in a relationship that was serious but also still experiencing growing pains, of making a leap in his career so close to the end, of having more free time and spending it far away from the NYPD. Ed was always thinking. Just for a moment he was going to push it all aside and watch the rings of smoke come out of his mouth. 

He felt the first raindrops hit his shoulder. Hopefully it wouldn’t start pouring and he had just a few more minutes alone with his thoughts. A couple holding hands rushed by him probably trying to beat the oncoming downpour. Ed just breathed slowly and smoked. 

Just two more days until the weekend. He wasn’t working at all. He was going to have a movie afternoon with the kids and see if Noah would let him and Liv sleep in on Sunday. Two whole days with no thoughts of work…in theory. Ed would take theory right about now.

***

“If you could retire tomorrow, what would you do?” Ed asked as he pulled the blankets back and got into bed. “Don’t think about money or restrictions or anything, just tell me.”

“Are you really going to eat that right before bed?” Liv looked at him over her glasses. He had a giant cinnamon bun on a plate. On the nightstand he had a glass of cocoa.

“Yes.” He nodded.

“And you don’t care about the calorie consumption?”

“Nope.” He shook his head. “Wanna piece? C'mon, baby, you know you want a piece. I've been good for the past five days…I'm gonna be bad tonight and enjoy this cinnamon bun without a lick of guilt. You're welcome to join me.”

“Alright, but just a little piece.”

“That’s the spirit.” Ed smiled and broke off a piece of his cinnamon bun.

“So what were you asking?” Liv’s mouth was half full.

“Retirement? What would you do?”

“I don’t know, that’s so far off for me. I never really thought about it, I still love the job. What would you do if you weren't working all day?”

“I'd love life more. I could be a more hands on father with Noah. Maybe I'd train for an Iron Man competition. I'd do some volunteer work. I’d buy an old busted car, rent out a little garage space and remodel it. I'd make dinner for the kids and have them come over once a week if they wanted to. I could join a book club or a stitch and bitch. I don't know,” he shrugged. “There are a million things to do.”

“You don’t even know how to stitch.” Liv reasoned.

“I can learn…I'm retired. I'm also a very fast learner. Sean told me about this website called Meet Up where you can find people and places that are in tune with your interests. It’s a way to make friends. This city is vast; I'm sure there are a thousand new people I can meet. I'm looking forward to it.”

“You’d miss being a cop.”

“I wouldn’t, Liv.” Ed shook his head and really looked at her. “I did my bid. I'm still doing it but I'm perfectly content with the idea of walking away in the next few years. I want to live some life before I'm too old, tired, and beat down to do so. 

“I want to take a month off every year and go home. I need to spend some time with my old man before I regret not spending time with my old man. I want to have hobbies and maybe a few close friends. I want to take an Italian or Thai cooking class. Don’t you want those things?”

“Sometimes.” She replied. “But work is consuming. I wish it weren't all the time but it is. Anyway, if you're thinking about retirement that’s enough for one couple. Your pension will be nice but we have to eat, Ed.”

“True. You work and I keep the home fires burning. That actually sounds kind of nice.”

“Yeah.” Liv smiled some.

“You alright?”

“We’re just starting our life together so it feels a little strange talking about ending it.”

“We’re not doing that, we’re talking about the next chapter. All great books have chapters filled with all kinds of adventures. I hope we have another 30 years together, you and me. I also don’t want all of them to go to the NYPD.”

“Well I'm definitely going to have to retire before I reach my seventies.” Liv laughed.

“Promise me.” Ed said.

“Oh c'mon Ed, that’s a no brainer.”

“Promise me anyway.”

“I promise.” She finished her cinnamon bun. She took off her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Noah would really love having more of your time…I think any kid would.”

“Maybe we can foster or adopt another. Hey, wipe that look off your face, I'm just saying. We’ll have a couple of rugrats, a half twin in Brooklyn, really do this together thing.”

“Slow down.” There was nervous laughter as she held up her hand.

Ed smiled and ate his bedtime snack. He knew Liv wasn’t ready for all that. Sometimes he was convinced that she never would be and other times he knew that it would require patience. He had been married before, had the house, kids, and responsibilities. Liv had been on her own for a very long time. Now she had Noah, and that was a lot of responsibility. 

She was a good mom but combining that with work and more was a lot to take on. So he relaxed most of the time, went with the flow. But every once and a while, you had to swim against the current; you couldn’t let it drown you. He didn’t want Liv to drown. He didn’t want to drown trying to hold on to her. That was a depressing thought that he pushed down with sugar.

“Are you still looking at houses?” she asked, piercing the silence.

“Occasionally. I've seen a couple that are really nice but I don’t want to rush you. We’ve got some time.”

“We do?”

“Sure.” He smiled at her. “Not forever, but a little bit of time. A move isn't going to change anything. A little more space would be nice for all of us. I'm sure Noah’s toys would agree.”

“Yeah.” Liv smirked. She put her head on his shoulder. “OK.”

“OK. Meanwhile, I think I'm going to watch a YouTube tutorial and learn how to stitch. I don’t know if I mean knit or crochet or what, but I hear it’s good for the blood pressure. I can already sew, surely it’s the same technique.”

“Now?”

“No, maybe this weekend…I have the entire weekend off. You're never too old to learn some new tricks.”

“So what do you want to do right now?” Liv asked. Smiling, she straddled Ed’s lap. She took the empty plate from his hands and put it on the nightstand beside the bed.

“I think you're attempting to distract me.” He said.

“From what?” she put her arms around his neck.

“I don't know, but something. I'm not saying it’s a problem though. Just making an observation.”

“I've got something else for you to focus on, Captain. I think you might like it a lot.”

Ed smiled and kissed her. Liv rested her forehead on his, sighing when Ed’s hands went under her tee shirt and caressed her back. She always loved the feeling of his warm hands on her skin. Since the very beginning she had never been able to deny that feeling. Liv denied everything else but never that.

“Tell me what's on your mind.”

“A lot of foreplay.” Liv grinned as she talked. Then she leaned to whisper in Ed’s ear. She gave his lobe a little lick. “I know, I usually give you warning for that but I'm really in the mood tonight.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm hmm. What do you think?”

“It’s not even International Woman’s Day.” Ed replied.

“I know. Too much for a Wednesday?” Liv asked.

“Probably, but I have all weekend off so we’ll make some very hot plans. Tonight it can be soft and beautiful. I’ll get you turned on telling you all the dirty things you can do to me on Saturday.”

“Deal.” She laughed as they slid down on the bed and got right to it.

***


End file.
